Vulnerability is power

"If you like pina coladas and gettin' caught in the rain, if you're not into health food, if you must drink champagne. If you like making love at midnight in the dunes at the Cape, I'm the lady you've looked for come with me and escape..." (lyrics are probably totally off but you get the point)

I heard that song today while parking my car and sat and listened to it - I'd never really listened to lyrics before - basically it's about a guy who is disillusioned in his romance with his girlfriend. As he's reading the paper, he spots a personal ad by a girl who is looking for guy to sip pina coladas with her and have some fun adventures. So he decides to respond to the personal ad and meets up with her at a bar only to discover it's his girfriend - she was looking for same thing. Very cute. They never knew this about each other. And why is that?

Because they didn't communicate their needs to one another !!! I have done that many times over the years in relationships - all out of fear - fear of being rejected I believe. So part of my mantra for this year is to be completely vulnerable. I am able to do this onstage easily with stand-up comedy but in real life I sometimes will shut down if I get scared emotionally. This past fall I was presented with a really good opportunity to face that fear head on - I actually asked the universe to give me the opportunity to face it, that I was ready (I do shout outs to the universe for the things I need) and the universe delivered with a bang = love IT. Here's how it went down - I attended an event with someone I was dating, we had just stopped dating and we ran into another woman he had also recently dated - he was mortified having us all in same room and I wanted to run away or shut down as I had in the past - I didn't like to face pain in the past. But this time, I didn't run, I stayed for the event and at the end of the evening instead of shutting down emotionally out of fear or hurt, I walked into the pain and shared everything I was feeling from the most vulnerable place. The most important thing = I didn't make it about him and what he did or didn't do wrong - I made it about me and my needs because really that is what it was about - how my being placed in scary situations made me pull away or shut down. So I shared everything with him about this issue of mine from the deepest place within me. We talked for a long time. And then something really cool happened - he shared things about himself with me from his most vulnerable place. And it created a beautiful space to communicate with each other. Through the pain and fear when there was vulnerability and honesty it created deep intimacy between us.

Lovely. Painful. But lovely.

So that is a big part of my quest this 2009 - complete vulnerability and honesty at all times. I know it is important to my growth. I want to sip pina coladas with the man I choose to be with - we might try some stronger stuff too like tequila and he won't have to read what I like in a personal ad - I am going to let him know - I'll spring some surprises on him to keep it interesting and my raging PMS will help keep him on his toes but overall I will be a clear communicator and I will try always to walk through any pain to express my feelings in a quest for vulnerability and true intimacy.

I like talking about love - I really do - I love romance.

I planned to write to you about my week and how I started off in low mood and brought it back up through my nature hikes. The key lesson learned was that being cage-free is like working a muscle - you have to keep at it to keep it in shape - that mind of ours can be a little bastard at times with old programming and keeps us in a cage. I was scared for a minute because I felt low - with all the work I've done I was surprised to be in dark headspace but reminded myself it's normal to have emotions and that now, I have the tools to get out of negative spaces fast and can kick them in the ass - the key is we have to move our bodies (that's why I went for a hike) - our nervous system gets shaken up when we move and that motion allows us to make positive emotional changes faster. So think about that next time you are low - sit up straight, take a deep breath, and get up and move around - force yourself to do it. You will notice immediate change. You may already do this but if not try it - all it takes is minor adjustment physically (posture, breathing, movement) to get yourself to feel better. And on my hikes or when I run and exercise I chant positive affirmations to myself. There is something about this that is proven to be more effective than just saying an affirmation to yourself while in restful state. It gets into your body faster if you say it while you move. So I will run or hike and say things to myself like "All I need is within me now" - I chant it out loud (in low voice so no one thinks I am nuts) kind of like military cadences (I believe that is what they are called).

That's it for now - I will be back next week. Until then, have a great week and do tell me what's happening with you when you have a minute by commenting back.